I have been away from both my blogs for quite some time. Every once in awhile I'd feel a little guilty for not posting anything for so long....but then I'd promise myself I'd post again soon and almost immediately, like so many good intentions before it...I'd forget again.
Too many things have been changing my life lately....actually it started last year and has continued into this year. I will catch you up in stages but for right now I will tell you about Nicki because this is the blog I originally started for Nicki and Bell.
Nick
I have been
silent for some time because I was unable to stop thinking of the cancer that had
afflicted my favorite dog, Nicki. Then there was a time when I could have
written but no longer felt a desire to write. Still I do not really feel a
desire to write but I do feel a responsibility to put something up on the blog.
And so now that some time has passed I will tell you what has happened.
December 29th
I took Nick to the Vet because I had noticed a swelling on the side of her
neck. At first it seemed like just another fatty tumor; both dogs started
growing them it seems almost the moment I had been laid off from Bank of
America. I had grown somewhat used to them after having them checked by the Vet
previously but now this one was different. This one was new and was continuing
to grow. I got her in to see the Vet within a few days of calling and when I
was putting on her gentle leader I was confused by the fact that it was tight
on her. I thought for a moment that perhaps I had picked up the wrong one;
maybe I had put on Belle’s leader by mistake. Belle’s always needed to be a bit
more snug on her because she likes to get out of it when no one is looking. I
grabbed the other gentle leader and tried it on Nick. It was even tighter.
Still I did not make the connection fully and I shrugged off the implications
and took her to her appointment.
The Vet had
barely touched her when she made the announcement that Nick has lymphoma.
Shocked at such a sudden statement I asked what it means….she said cancer; Nicki
has cancer. I felt those words ricochet through me.
To say I was
in shock is an understatement. I could not think of anything; I felt like my
mind had gone blank. The Vet continued talking and I heard all of it but none
of it registered. Then I started to cry. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t care what
she thought of me or of my lack of control I simply cried. She stopped talking
at that point and I apologized for my lack of control and continued crying all
the same.
Eventually some
information got thru to me after I made her repeat herself twice. I had to make
a decision of whether to treat her cancer or not and it had to be now. I did
not have the luxury of time anymore. This cancer had to be addressed
immediately because it grows so fast. I became flustered; I was simply not
prepared for all this and I didn’t know what to do. I told her I wanted her
treated. There was no way in hell I could make a decision to just put my Nicki
down.
Here it was,
the day after my 58th birthday and I was told that my favorite dog
has cancer. Happy f-ing birthday, eh?
