(Belle sitting on top of Nick in the car. Last picture taken of the two of them together)
Most of you know by now that Nicki didn't make it. The cancer was at best stalled for a few weeks but when it decided to grow it did so fast and internally. She looked perfectly normal from the outside and for a while she acted normal too. It was as if she had no idea she was sick.
Belle knew something was wrong. She kept smelling where Nick would pee or poop. I mean excessively smelling the area. I often had to drag her away from it to make her stop. I think Belle either has the ability to smell cancer or she simply knows the difference between some kind of illness and a healthy dog. She would sometimes sniff Nick herself too. Nick didn't care.
(My sweet Nicki)
So after spending a little over $5000 for cancer 'treatments' for Nick, I lost her anyway. So many people have lived this little scenario it's chilling to think about it. Some of the drugs I was giving to Nick I was ordered to wear rubber gloves when I handled them. I was told the drugs cause cancer in people that don't have it. This makes no sense to me but I was terrified and had made the commitment to go forward so I gave them to her. The left over drugs are still sitting on my counter. I need to take them to the police station to drop them off...they take all leftover drugs and dispose of them. I am still unable to do it. And so they sit there still.
For a long time I waited for Belle to display cancer symptoms. These two have always done the same things. Nothing happened. She has some health issues of her own but she does not have cancer. She also became extremely depressed when Nick was gone. Walking her was an ordeal. She was used to be one of a pair and she kept looking for Nick. She was constantly looking behind us for her and racing thru the house when we got home...like Nick was going to be upstairs waiting for her or something. It was pathetic and heartbreaking to witness.
(Nicki 'swimming' during a hike. She didn't like to really swim so this was her version of it)
(Belle while on a hike with me)
But as time has passed Belle has recovered from the loss of her sister. She has made other dog friends and seems to enjoy her stupid dog cousin Zack (my son's ridiculas cocker spaniel) when they are together. She either ignores him or on occasion she will do the butt up in the air front end down I want to play game with him and then they chase each other.
I've taken Belle on vacation (Zack came too) twice to Cape Cod since losing Nick. I would not have been able to bring both dogs if I still had two of them so that's a plus I guess. Belle enjoys going on vacation because she gets new places to pee and sniff and of course she gets walks in new areas too. I will continue to take her on vacation as long as she's with me. Next year we're thinking of going to New Hampshire. I'm sure Belle will like how that smells too.....lots of woods there.
I've always said I will always have a dog. But as I lose more and more of them over the years it does become harder to let go. I will always have a dog as long as I'm healthy enough to have one, but it's not as easy a statement to make anymore. The loss and the pain stick with me now.
I'm currently toying with the idea of starting a search for another Irish Setter. My setters in the past have been healthier dogs (or at least no cancers) and they are hard to find these days, which is a good thing for the breed. The harder it is to find one the more likely it is that the breed has not been ruined by hack breeders that don't know what they are doing or are only doing it for the money. It will take a while so the search starts early.
But I have to admit I am so drawn to hounds when I see them these days. They all remind me of my Nicki.
